It has been a while since my last post so firstly I would like to apologise for my lack of presence. I recently wrote about how I was experiencing mental struggles with regards to resilience and teaching it to my blind daughter Scarlett. I was inundated with responses from parents who offered such kind words and support. So I would like to thank all the people who took the time to give me advice and empathy, what you all said really made sense and I found lots of solace in it.
Emotionally, I was at such an unstable moment in time. To be honest my dramatic nature means that I am a dramatic up and downer. It wasn’t just with worry about Scarlett, but everything really, the world, injustice, I felt an inner and deep routed pain that I could just not shift. Of course there were some external catalysts that effected my mood, but no situation I’ve never not quickly bounced back from before.
I can locate a silver lining dressed in camouflage hiding up an 50ft tree in a 10,000 acre wood! Or so I thought….
Although it had been eerily creeping around me for a while it was just like boom! One day I felt like I just couldn’t get up. Whatever I had always had inside me was gone, the flame was out. The worst thing was my children began to absorb my energy, then that made the situation a thousand times worse. I consulted doctors and started taking anti depressants, I lived a week like a sleeping zombie! But what it allowed me to do was sleep, and lots of sleep, I’d say like 15 hours a day. Obviously not a great scenario with the two young children, my job running Through Scarlett’s Eyes and a household to run. I have been on my own with the children for three and a half years so there is no back up parent.
Then just one day everything just changed, I bought a bike, joined a new gym, started eating and doing it healthily and threw myself into converting my garage into a sensory play space for Scarlett. Particularly the project for Scarlett’s sensory room gave me copious amounts of optimism. So many people around me showed so much kindness to the most precious thing to me in the whole wide world. This energy spilled out into everything I did. Most importantly the children saw their happy mummy again, pain can not feed from joy!
Our children certainly bring us heaps of joy, by the bucket load, but the simple fact is it can be god damn hard raising a child, any child, but then throw the fact that your child is blind can make it just that touch more difficult.
My greatest piece of advice from this experience is be GOOD to YOU and give yourself some time. Here is what I did:
Got in touch with nature
I know this might sound a little silly but rain or shine I got myself and the kids outside at every moment possible. Not only did it orchestrate some great quality time but I just felt a whole lot more energised being outside surrounded by trees and my two little cherubs.
Got a purpose
I had been signed off work during this time as I just couldn’t find it within me to be happy and positive and that is everything I was the throughscarlettseyes.com website to be. Its not that my job causes me stress, far from it, it my source of great vibration! So that’s where the converting the garage into a sensory room mission came about and from that I derived so much pleasure.
Looked after myself
Once I gained some appetite I ate right and exercised. My bike is my new best friend 🙂 wizzing up and down the roads accompanied by some uplifting music was like an electric shot of happiness spiraling through my body. I also made sure I did things with friends, things I really enjoyed, I may have done those things as a numbed down version of myself and I might not have felt like doing them, but I did!
Give, give and more give
I tried to reach out to people who needed help, support and time. There is no greater satisfaction than to give, purely and simply for giving.
Now I’m not saying the steps above will make all the pain disappear, I try to act compassionately and sensitively towards others as possible, I out right care. The downfall to this I feel is giving a s@#t means that when you see injustice or are treated badly you FEEL it and I mean really FEEL it, to the depths of your soul.
During writing this blog I have been listening to one of my all time favourites Jimi Hendrix, I stopped mid blog to have a dance around the kitchen to an anthem (yes it is great that I work from home or else that would have been an office atrocity). It made me think instantly of a quote I really love and that I am going to sign off with.
“Its not about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain”