Resilient- How can I teach it, if I can’t be it?

scarlett resilience 2 I am on a constant quest to bash through mental barriers, sometimes I can be plagued by them, other days I’m like a lean mean mental barrier bashing machine.  I try hard to ensure that my perspective gives me the best possible view of the world and try to see beauty in everything, or view negativity with compassion.  Its not easy, detaching, letting go of things that aren’t good for us or investing time in what is great for us.  I’m constantly growing and there will be no end result, just trying to make the next day better than the best.

I feel content with how my children are thriving.  I work hard to let go of any guilt from the past and combat any anxieties about the future,  In essence, its all pointless, we only have this current moment in time, worrying is just like praying for something bad to happen.

There has been some events recently that have unfortunately pushed my resilience to its limits.  I suppose I liked to think that despite being dramatic my phsychological resilience was fairly good, I felt I could properly adapt to any stress or adversity faced

I AM STRONG! The mantra: BE STRONG, TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO BE STRONG!

Scarlett currently resides in a bubble of protection, either at home or school Scarlett is not only loved but understood.  Her specialist school means that she isn’t subject to prejudice or judgment.  And when she is out in public she is still so wrapped up in her own little world, knowing no different, from the laughs and giggles that pour out of her soul.

scarlettresilienceAt a family party a young girl attended, she was visually impaired and had cerebral palsy.  She stood very quietly to one side of the party, not mixing with the other children and looking very uncomfortable.  The other children at the party were so oblivious to the child feeling left out, bouncy castles, boys play fighting, it is so very easy for children to just not notice.  I really felt for this girl and helped her integrate into the party by introducing her to Scarlett.  She is so happy to meet and play with anyone and the young girl asked throughout the party if she could go back and play with her.  Scarlett and all her laughing and giggling is enough to make anyone feel better!  On further talking with the girl she explained why she is not looking forward to going back to school as she is bullied, my heart broke.

This incident alongside some other horrible accounts I have read or heard about is really taking its toll on me emotionally. Despite working hard not too hold onto anxious thoughts about Scarlett’s future it is beginning to drag me down.  I feel so helpless and its in my nature to be a ‘fixer’.

I have given advice many of times about not taking into account the opinions of ignorant people and I have written many posts which talk about how I work to put things into perspective.  But recently I have been feeling very tested with this thought process, witnessing it, not with my own daughter, but with someone else’s has affected me deeply and no amount of chanting ‘I AM STRONG’ will make me feel strong.

I have really began to question if I can’t display resilience how can I pass that quality onto my own daughter, she is the person who will need it most.

I know this isn’t the normal tone  I adopt for my posts and I really did consider whether writing it would be of benefit to myself or anyone else.  I decided, despite feeling slightly deflated I think ‘getting it out’ may be a good way forward for me.

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3 thoughts on “Resilient- How can I teach it, if I can’t be it?

  1. Our (completely blind) son was in mainstream school from age 3 til 12. He was only ever treated with kindness and support. He has never been bullied. He has recently moved to a specialist school not because of unhappiness, but because he said he was “fed up of being different”. He is searching for his own place within society, and has taught us what he needs. On the days when you’re not sure of the ‘right’ thing, or when you’re feeling low, you will have given your daughter enough resilience to teach you. It’s not a journey you take on your own- you and your child do it together.

    I promise you are doing, and will continue to do, a grand job xx

  2. Hi Charlotte. I’m sorry to read that you’re not feeling your normal positive self. I have a favourite quote about bullying that I tell anyone who will listen. You cannot stop your child being bullied, but what you can do is give them the tools to deal with it. BUT I understand, it’s difficult.

    My son is in Year 6 of junior school. He has very much enjoyed his time there. He doesn’t have a large circle of friends but he has two very close friends that he has known since pre-school. We gave up going to the school discos quite some time ago, but Jacob has participated in most lunchtime and after school clubs. There is a certain amount of picking the right things for him to do, but he gives most things a try.

    What we have found enormously good for him are things like the VICTA weekends, Actionnaires and finding VI sports to do. We have tried many non-VI activities but found after giving it a good go, that he didn’t really get on with them. However, we have always let him try anything he fancied. He has done Scouts since he was 6 years old and still loves it. He has also learnt various musical instruments with varying amounts of success. We’ve had the odd name calling, but nothing major. Later this year he starts secondary school and that will be a new challenge entirely I’m sure.

    We are lucky, Jacob has an amazing attitude to life and everything that comes with it, but I guess we must take a little credit for this. Don’t worry about what hasn’t happened yet, I’m sure she’ll be fine. With your positive outlook on things, how could she be anything else.

    When I asked the blind/VI young adults at one of the VICTA weekends, what they did about going to nightclubs, they said, we avoid them!

  3. Hi,

    I worry a lot about bullying and acceptance; my VIP is 5 years old and just started a main stream school. We had an interesting ‘incident’ a while ago that taught me a lot. Isobel came home and I asked her about her day, she was upset and didn’t want to talk about it. I finally managed to get some info from her, that one of the other kids had been mean to her. My heckles went up, tears formed in my eyes, I felt sure this was the start, I gave her a big cuddle, told her it would be OK, and that I would talk to her teacher if she wanted me to.

    The next day while waiting to go into the school the ‘mean’ kid came to talk to Isobel, I took a deep breath and resisted matching her to her parents to explain herself, and instead asked the child what had happened the day before, she looked at me and said ‘Isobel hit me’! I looked at Isobel and I had to laugh at her sheepishness. Turns out the ‘mean’ kid had been being quite sweet and wanted to play dolls with Isobel, who wanted to play on her own, and for no real reason took as swing. The only worrying I do about bullying now, tends to be Isobel bullying the other kids!

    I guess my long winded point is, you never know what’s going to happen or how your children will react, the best you can do is deal with the situations as they arrive. I agree with the post above about Actionnaires, they have been great for Isobel and normalise’s visual impairment/cane use/guide dogs/tripping over/nose to paper to read, type stuff for her, which Scarlett is getting at her school.

    I know you know all this, your post says as much, so big deep breath, shoulders back, head up and get back to it, from your posts you are clearly doing a great job xx

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